get me up!

fragilebonygirl fragilebonygirl

I’m tired of not being able to enjoy food

I’m tired of restricting

I’m tired of binging

I’m tired of counting calories

I’m tired of going for a walks just to burn calories and forbidding myself to return home if it’s not enough

I’m tired of avoiding my friends

I’m tired of crying myself to sleep every day

I’m tired of using laxatives 5 days in a row

I’m tired of lying

I’m tired of trying to recover

I’m tired of hating myself for each bite I take

I’m tired of being lonely

I’m tired of hating myself

I’m tired of always checking my body

I’m tired of the fact that I only like myself when I starve

I’m tired of feeling so dirty

I’m tired of wasting so much money on binge food

I’m tired of being bloated

I’m tired of watching ed documentaries for 5 hours just to trigger myself

I’m tired of thinking about every time I’ve been called fat

I’m tired of being a Fat Friend

I’m tired of not being able to think about anything but food

I’m tired of constantly knowing how ugly my body is

I’m tired of listening to my skinny friend saying “oh it’s 6pm and I only ate a banana haha opsie!”

I’m tired of failing

I’m tired of feeling guilty

I’m tired of ed being such a huge part of my personality that I don’t really know who I am without it

I’m tired of feeling so huge

I’m tired of being myself

I’m tired of realizing that this will never stop

I’m tired of being stuck in the never ending cycle of binging-restricting-trying-to-recover-binging-restricting

I’m tired of people talking about my appearance

I’m tired of actually wanting to be hospitalized

I’m tired of being a problem

I’m tired of secretly watching every Eugenia Cooney’s video and wishing I looked like that

I’m tired of knowing how sick I am but still just ignoring it and not trying to get help because I am not skinny enough

I’m tired of knowing that nobody will ever love me

I’m tired of thinking that my friends secretly hate me

I’m tired of blaming myself because I can’t purge

I’m tired of thinking about how stupid and worthless I really am

I’m tired of not being able to enjoy my hobbies

I’m tired of feeling like everything around me is changing and I stay the same

I’m tired of wishing I was never born

I’m tired of going through all that for such a long time and still being so fat

I’m tired of having a ruined childhood because of my food issues

I’m tired of thinking that every person who ever looks at me thinks that I’m ugly

I’m tired of never being called pretty ever in my life

I’m tired of guys never looking at me

I’m tired of not being able to enjoy my grandma’s food

I’m tired of craving everything

I’m tired of feeling like I’m falling apart

I’m tired of thinking that if I won’t lose weight then I won’t have a good future

I’m tired of being so secretly competitive

I’m tired of not having anyone to talk to

I’m tired of my friends going out without me (even though they know I have no plans)

I’m tired of thinking that food is the cause of all my problems

I’m tired of thinking that when I’m skinny everything will be perfect

I’m tired of not having a smooth flawless skin

I’m tired of being so fucking lazy

I’m tired of my own excuses

I’m tired of not being able to go to the beach

I’m tired of crying in the dressing rooms

I’m tired of staying at home because I took a lax

I’m tired of being enemies with my own body

I’m tired of being enemies with food

I’m tired of thinking that I don’t deserve anything

I’m tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a failure

I’m tired of not being comfortable in my own skin

I’m tired of freaking out if I can’t count calories

I’m tired of having a fresh start every day/Monday/moth and then immediately failing

I’m tired of being so exhausted all the time

I’m tired of wanting to cry when I see my reflection

I’m tired of being triggered when someone mentions ed’s/weightloss/diets/etc

I’m tired of staring at the wall and not having any emotions at all

I’m tired of hiding my problems

I’m tired of suddenly feeling sad even when I’m having fun with my family/friends

I’m tired of not being a normal teenager

I’m tired of thinking that no one would care if I died

I’m tired of not believing in myself anymore

I’m tired of not caring about anything

I’m tired of not being able to wear whatever I want because I’m so self-conscious

I’m tired of comparing myself to others

I’m tired of not knowing who I am anymore

I’m tired of crying while I write this and realizing how depressed I really am

I’m tired of living like this

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